Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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