i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
