A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
