lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
