hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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