its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize