then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk is not a location!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
