I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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