i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
