i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
