fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I party with great urgency now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
