I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just tell him i said nine months
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
