Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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