I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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