I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
