i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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