You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Houston, we have a blender
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
