I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
