Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
