tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
