just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
