She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
