I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
