I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
