I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
