and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
