And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My ass is underappreciated
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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