that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
