So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the raccoons are back...
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