So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
