Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
