so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
