you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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