i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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