True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
