I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
