Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
