there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
