So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
