Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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