A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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