oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to have your abortion
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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