Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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