having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to cum in my sink.
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