Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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