quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
