just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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