What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize