matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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