I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
