my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
