just tell him i said nine months
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
