well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
