$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize