I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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