He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
