Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
