Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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