Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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