I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
