u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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