What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
