is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
