MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
