you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
