I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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