Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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