my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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