Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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