Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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