Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize