mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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