having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
