dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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