I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
