Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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