i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
