My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize