I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
