Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
