On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize