She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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