He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
