At least make sure they are 18
Why
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize