Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
