i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
