I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ttyl tear gas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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