my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
