I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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