saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
