i can't believe i had my finger in that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
