He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
