Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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