Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
