remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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