I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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