one might say we're banned from that church
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
birth control should be required to get into college
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
