They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
