What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
