While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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