Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
