They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
