i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
