He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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