you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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